


When Teddy Met Billy

by Liu



Category: Marvel (Comics), Young Avengers
Genre: Canon Gay Character, Canon Gay Relationship, First Date, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Humor, M/M, POV First Person, Romance, Slash, Teddy's Pov, Teen Romance, beginning of a relationship, complete idiocy, how Billy learned to use his powers, of teenage boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-24
Updated: 2012-09-24
Packaged: 2017-11-14 23:01:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/520417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liu/pseuds/Liu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"We’ve been asked many times, Billy and me, how we met: whether it was love at first sight, whether it was the team that brought us together.</p><p>Usually, we just shrug it off and tell people ‘yeah’ to all of those questions. But the truth it, there was no flash of lightning striking us both the first time Iron Lad put the team together, no neon signs blinking right above Billy’s head, telling me he was The One for me.</p><p>The real story is a little bit longer than that… and most likely a lot more boring to anyone who’s not me. Or Billy. But, secretly sentimental as I am, I’d like to tell it anyway."</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Teddy Met Billy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Gemenice](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gemenice/gifts).



> Another challenge from Gem - this one took a long, long time to finish, for which I'm sorry.
> 
>  
> 
> Any and all mistakes and errors are purely my own, feel free to point them out to me, please ^^;

We’ve been asked many times, Billy and me, how we met: whether it was love at first sight, whether it was the team that brought us together.

Usually, we just shrug it off and tell people ‘yeah’ to all of those questions. But the truth it, there was no flash of lightning striking us both the first time Iron Lad put the team together, no neon signs blinking right above Billy’s head, telling me he was The One for me.

The real story is a little bit longer than that… and most likely a lot more boring to anyone who’s not me. Or Billy. But, secretly sentimental as I am, I’d like to tell it anyway.

………………….

When Iron Lad found me, I was having a little bit of a break-down. That kinda happens when your best friend tells you that you’re a freak, even accuses you of being a Skrull. Well, okay, he was right (half-right, at least), I’ll give Greg that – but at that time, it felt like I was alone, like I had to build my whole life from the scratch again and I didn’t know if I could do it, didn’t know where to start.

That was when Nathaniel showed up. It was the right offer at the right time, exactly when I was starting to wonder if maybe I could use my powers for something else than just fitting in, since ‘fitting in’ was obviously not much of an option for me, and I could only lie to myself (and the world around me) for so long.

So I took the opportunity to maybe do some good: I didn’t tell Mom, because she would have been totally freaked-out by my putting myself in danger. And she would have been right, but I felt caged, restless, itching to do _anything_ that would amount to _something_.

Of course, the feeling didn’t immediately ease up with the team. It was just the three of us at first, Iron Lad, who kept talking about Kang the Conqueror and some invasion that was bound to happen at an indefinite time in near future; Patriot, who at first refused to tell me his real name so I took to calling him ‘Pat’ (which annoyed him so much he gave up after five days and icily informed me it was ‘Elijah’)… and good ol’ me, not really sure what I was doing with these guys, two people who had a clearly-defined purpose in life, determination and goals, all those things I lacked and, I admit, feared just a tad.

It all changed when Billy showed up.

Not in that lightning-bolt, neon-light way, of course: I guess that just happens in the movies. But Billy was just as lost as I was, not really knowing what he should do and afraid of what he _could_ , if he ever really tried, so it was only natural that we gravitated towards each other, seeking quiet comfort and sympathy from someone who seemed to have the same issues.

I didn’t even know _how_ much I could learn from Billy until the third day after he’d joined. We were sitting under the trees after a training session that was quickly becoming ‘routine’ – to be honest, it was more us messing around with our abilities, discovering our own limits, than some real, actual ‘training’. But we weren’t used to fighting, at least not me or Billy: Nathaniel was pretty okay in his super-tech armor that probably had built-in air-conditioning or something, and Eli was too tough to show that he was tired. So we were just lounging in the Avengers mansion backyard, overgrown grass scattered with rubble, when Billy looked at us, then back at his soda can, and shrugged:

“I guess you should know something about me, if we’re going to be a team, guys.”

We all tensed: I could see Eli’s frown, and I could sure as hell feel my guts clench in anticipation of some bad news. Billy looked so serious, so determined all of a sudden, that I wondered if he had killed someone, or something equally horrifying.

Maybe that was why it was kinda anti-climactic when he said:

“I’m gay.”

I blinked. There was a moment of silence, and I could see Billy’s jaw work as he clenched his teeth, apparently bracing himself for some inevitable retribution simply for who he was. It reminded me of myself so much that I felt my throat tighten at the sheer anger towards whoever made Billy feel this insecure about himself… so it was Eli who reacted first, raised an eyebrow and shrugged:

“I’m straight. So?”

Billy stared at him, and he looked like he wasn’t sure whether to be mad at Eli for shrugging it off like that, or amazed at the acceptance. Both options were kinda sad.

Nathaniel tilted his head to one side inquisitively, taking turns watching all of us.

“Is that still an issue in the 21st century?”

That was when Billy looked at me, and there was worry and hope mingling in his eyes, and he was completely certain of his identity, of who he was, and I felt… lost again, lost and a little lonely, because yeah, okay, some guys were pretty good-looking and I’d had my share of embarrassing dreams featuring a few very distinctly male superheroes, but… I wasn’t certain of whether I was gay or straight or bi or whatever at that point, just like I wasn’t completely sure of what I could do, where my powers came from or whether I could finally belong somewhere unconditionally.

But I couldn’t let Billy think that I was somehow not okay with this, so I smiled and shrugged, too:

“Sorry, man, if you were expecting some bashing, you’ll have to be satisfied with getting your ass kicked in training.”

It wasn’t the most amazing thing to say, and I was mostly just trying to keep my tone light and funny, because I didn’t know how to react seriously, but Billy obviously got the message, because he smiled right back at me, and I’ve never seen such open, honest relief shine out of someone’s face like that.

And of course, _Eli_ was the one frowning at what I said, not the guy who really had something to be offended about.

“Did you really think we would judge you just because you like guys?” Eli asked in a huff, and Billy shrugged, rolling his eyes and leaning back against a tree, his shoulders (and eyes) visibly relaxing:

“I wasn’t sure. It’s not like we’ve known each other that long, right? And… I guess I just wanted to tell you outright. I’m done hiding. From anyone.”

He didn’t really do the ‘dramatic stare into distance’ thing as he said it, more of a small shrug and a glance into the grass around his sneakers, but somehow, it still struck me as a scene from some movie, a scene that kind of resolves everything and the protagonist really grows up with just a few words, stands up for himself and becomes a real hero.

In that moment, in his baggy shirt with some obscure website’s advertisement on it, in dirty jeans and worn sneakers, Billy Kaplan was as much of a real hero as a person could get.

And I wanted to be him – well, obviously, not _literally_. But I wanted that kind of determination, and seeing him be so sure, hearing him say he was done with trying to be what other people expected him to be… that kinda made me feel tiny little bits of that determination piece together some semblance of purpose in my own mind, too.

If Billy could accept all aspects of who he was born to be, maybe I could do that as well, take what life had given me and try to make the best out of it.

I guess that was the first step on my not-so-long path towards falling in love with him.

…………………………………….

The other step started with what could be called the exact opposite of romantic. That is, if you don’t consider geometry super-sexy, which I don’t. Billy kept stressing out about a test, and while I wasn’t really that sure why someone would obsess over the possibility of scoring a B-, I offered my help.

Billy gave me this incredulous look, and I had to laugh:

“The ‘dumb jock’ stereotype just went out of the window, huh…”

Billy blushed, and rubbed the back of his neck.

“I didn’t think you’re dumb,” he mumbled, and it was kinda adorable how he was ashamed of himself so clearly.

“I’ve been called worse,” I shrugged, “so, your place or mine?”

He just looked at me for, like, five seconds, but it was time enough for me to realize just how that might have sounded.

And no, I didn’t blush. I’m a shape-shifter. I know how to prevent that from happening. Mostly. And playing oblivious seemed like the best approach, so I did just that; Billy eventually relaxed, or at least just started speaking again:

“My place has two very loud little brothers with no respect for personal space, and a psychologist mom who likes to analyze everyone I ‘associate’ with,” he smiled, in that fond way that’s only seen when you’re talking about someone you really love, but find a bit obnoxious anyway. It was a good look on him, unlike that pinched, constipated face he was always making after school (at least in those two weeks I knew him).

“My place it is, then. There’s only my mom, and she works late,” I offered, and imagined the state I had left my room in.

Fortunately, there were no undies or dirty socks lying around in the end.

Unfortunately, I hadn’t really planned to have anyone over, so my action figure collection and my superhero posters (okay, okay, _and_ my limited edition Avengers-logo pillow) were still in their rightful places.

I stood there, in my doorway, scratching the back of my neck nervously and opening my mouth to say something along the lines of ‘can we please not have a conversation about my geeky childish obsessions?’… but Billy took a deep breath and stepped closer to the bookshelf with my action figures, grinning back at me like he just discovered someone’s stash of chocolates.

“You got the whole Avengers set? Wow. That’s so cool. My brothers broke at least half of mine, and Mom didn’t let me buy new ones because, according to her, I shouldn’t get too attached to toys,” he rolled his eyes at that, looking at me.

“Toys,” he repeated with a snort and a disbelieving shake of his head. And I still stood there in the doorway, staring at him like he was from another planet… and I couldn’t believe my luck. Because Billy had been kinda cool as a teammate and a friend before, too, but all we did as a team was train and then talk about what we did wrong in the training sessions, and there hadn’t been much time to share our hobbies or anything not team related like that… and discovering a fellow superhero fan in Billy was like… well, discovering someone’s stash of chocolates and maybe a Christmas present on top.

“Yeah, I know,” I smiled, finally un-sticking myself from the door as I sat down on my bed, “my Mom always tells me I should buy something useful instead.”

Billy chuckled, nodding, and reached for one figure: he glanced back, and I realized he was asking for my permission. So I shrugged and smiled:

“Go ahead.”

It was a Scarlet Witch action figure, from 1996 and in excellent condition: to be honest, it was the one I was the most proud of, because it had been the first one I got, and they had been all pulled from the stores now, almost impossible to get and ridiculously overpriced on eBay. Billy looked at it with reverent care, almost worship, and it filled me with inexplicable, contented awe that someone could appreciate things I liked for what they represented, for what they were worth not in money but in memories and ideals.

“She’s my favorite Avenger,” Billy said quietly, and I didn’t ask whether she was or she had been. “I actually met her once, you know.”

“Me too. At ComicCon,” I smiled: that had been a nice day. Too bad Mom wasn’t keen on taking that trip ever again.

But Billy shook his head:

“No, I mean, really met her. It was about… two years back, or so. I didn’t have my powers yet, and I felt like crap, so I went to sit in front of the Avengers mansion – I used to do that a lot,” he chuckled, and I could just imagine him, sitting on a bench all hunched and sad, and I kinda wanted to hug him and tell him he was okay now, since now, he got me. Us. The team, I meant, of course.

“She came outside: she was wearing a red hoodie, and I didn’t know it was her until she talked to me,” he smiled, his eyes still trained on the figure but somehow, miles away, “I guess I looked like crap, too, my face was all sorts of purple.”

That just kinda made me want to ask Nathaniel to get me back in time, so I could punch the bullies who did that to Billy in their stupid faces.

“She told me everyone had powers. That I should just be myself. And then she healed my face. It was awesome,” he chuckled, like it wasn’t a memory of a really bad time in his life. I mean, if he got bruises on his face, then it couldn’t have been a great time, could it.

“See? She was right, you do have powers. Now you can just zap bullies with lightning,” I chuckled, and Billy looked at me, just _looked_ , in the way that sent chills up my spine and not the good kind, either.

“I did that once,” he said quietly. “I didn’t mean to, but I got mad because the guy who used to punch me around found someone else to beat up and… well, I guess I just had some sort of a hero-complex moment so I told him to stop it and… the next thing I knew he was unconscious and my parents were called and I was transferring schools,” he shrugged, and I felt stupid for suggesting he should hurt someone. Because Billy wasn’t like that: I only knew him for a few weeks then, so maybe it was a little stupid to assume I _knew_ what he would or would not do – but it didn’t feel like he would be capable of hurting someone just because they were bullying him.

Which made me angry a little bit because he _should_ protect himself.

“You don’t get bullied at the new school, do you,” I asked quietly, fully prepared to go wait for Billy in front of his school and be a little menacing about it, just to make a point to all possible bullies.

He just shrugged again.

“Not much. Just teased, mostly. Hey, I’m a gay nerd, I’m never gonna be the king of prom,” he snickered, and there was warmth in his eyes again and I thanked god for that, because his resignation to the bad things in the past was creeping me out a little.

Later I would learn that it wasn’t resignation, it was making peace with your past, and I would need to learn a lot of that from Billy… but at that moment in my bedroom, I just wanted him to be at least as angry about it as I was.

He must’ve seen that I wasn’t okay with it, because he shrugged and put the Scarlet Witch figure back into her proper place. Then he came back to sit next to me:

“Not everyone’s a jerk, Teddy. For example, I have this really really great memory… I was at ComicCon, I was about twelve, and I really wanted to get the signatures of all Avengers. They were selling this book, an encyclopedia on Avengers’ history, limited edition and signed by all the current Avengers. All of them were there, but I couldn’t make it in time, and they were all gone when I got there. And this kid I’ve never met before, he just gave me the signed book. He didn’t even want money for it,” he chuckled.

I could just stare at him, my mind completely blank and something tight and fuzzy spreading in my chest.

“You okay?” Billy frowned in concern, and that kinda brought me back from my trance:

“Your dad took the wrong turn,” I said slowly, remembering. “You couldn’t get there in time, and then there was something happening in New York and the Avengers had to leave.”

Billy stared at me with much the same blank face as I’d had just a moment ago.

“What…?” he breathed, and I felt a huge grin spread all over my face. It was a coincidence, a complete and total coincidence, but one so exciting that all of a sudden, I couldn’t keep still. I bounced on my bed a bit, snickering:

“You kept pestering your Dad to walk faster, and he kept saying it was the fault of the GPS that made him take a wrong turn. And you looked ready to cry when you realized there were no more books left, and no Avengers either.”

I remembered that day. I had almost forgotten, but when Billy mentioned it, it came back clear and perfect and warm, and Billy just gaped at me for about fifteen seconds before it registered in his brain.

“You…”

“I got two copies of that book,” I chuckled a little sheepishly, “one for collecting, another one for reading. And the kid in Harry Potter T-shirt looked so devastated that I couldn’t _not_ give him one.”

Billy’s eyes widened… and then slid down my body. I admit, I fidgeted at that a little tiny bit.

“Wow. You sure grew a lot since then,” he commented with a snicker. I smiled back, shrugging:

“To be honest, I shifted that day. They only had the coolest Avengers shirts in small sizes,” I admitted with just a bit of embarrassment, and turned myself to what I remembered I had looked like four years back.

“I wish I could do that,” Billy giggled, “the normal sizes always sell out so fast.”

“I know, right? So… about this test of yours…”

…………………………………….

It took two more tutoring sessions, but in the end, Billy got an A on his test. Unfortunately, geometry is a much wider subject than some people think, so by the end of next week, Billy asked if I could help him with studying again.

And when I say ‘unfortunately’, I don’t mean that I minded it. I kinda got used to Billy during the tutoring, and it wasn’t like we didn’t have anything to talk about besides school and the team. I learned some things about him, about his family and life and the comic books he liked and the ones he hated, and when we went out to get something to eat, since Mom didn’t leave much in the fridge, I also learned that he was Jewish, but the kind who didn’t have to only eat kosher food. In turn, I told him things about me, about Mom and about Dad – what little I knew about him, or I thought I knew – and about Greg, about how I quit the basketball team because I couldn’t stand his sudden game of ‘I don’t even know you and I never wanna talk to you again.’ Maybe that was one reason (out of many) why it felt good to have Billy as a friend: because the guy I had _thought_ was my best friend was kind of a jerk and he though my powers should only be used to have fun and make money. Billy saw the potential for doing something worthwhile, something that could actually _help_ people, and that was something I needed.

Maybe it was also the fact that I didn’t have to hide my powers from him, that I knew he understood because he was the same. Well. Less green, but still. I took to staying in my larger, greener form around Billy, because sometimes when I was extremely tired, I had trouble maintaining it, so I trained by just staying like that for as long as possible, and Billy never once looked uncomfortable around my green me.

That was also why I didn’t hesitate when he looked at me with that big-eyed, worried stare of his and asked ‘can you keep a secret?’

“A secret?” I asked, quirking an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah,” he fidgeted a little, “you won’t tell Eli or Nate, will you?”

I didn’t really think (again) that he might’ve murdered someone, not after all he told me; and I knew that maybe it was something important that the other guys might need to know – but it filled me with selfish, childish joy that I was the one Billy chose to confide in. So I nodded, and he took a deep breath:

“I think… I think I might have other powers. Besides lightning.”

I raised an eyebrow:

“You’re not like Rogue, right? I can still touch you?”

I had no idea why that was so important to me, but Billy just chuckled, not questioning the sanity of that particular question.

“No, I mean yeah, you can still touch me, it won’t kill you. I think… I might be a… wizard. Witch. Warlock. Something like that.”

“A… wizard?” I gaped. I always imagined wizards kinda like Dr. Strange. And while Billy’s costume did have that systematically torn something (made out of an old Thor cosplay) that could maybe stand for a cape, it wasn’t exactly the flashy, magic-show kind.

Billy shrugged, sighing, and let his back thud against my Avengers poster, right behind my bed.

“Yeah. Well, either a wizard or a fairy godmother, and I don’t really want to be called a ‘fairy’ more than is strictly necessary,” he gave a tiny sour smirk. “Anyway, since I only grant my own wishes, it somehow doesn’t fit.”

Now was my turn to gape.

“You… can grant your own wishes? _Any_ wishes?”

“I don’t know. It only happened a few times, but I don’t think they were all just accidents. For example, when Zac, my brother, fell off his bike a few months ago. He broke his leg: he was crying all the way to the hospital and I wished he would be okay and the pain would go away and… when we got him to the emergency room, the doctor said that there was nothing wrong with his leg.”

“Um. Maybe it was just the shock? Maybe that’s why he cried?” I offered, and Billy leveled me with that ‘don’t try to turn this into a joke’ look:

“The leg was broken, trust me. I could see the bone jutting out under the skin, there was a bruise forming, and Dad put some sort of a compress on it so it wouldn’t swell too much or something… but when they got the compress off in the emergency room, there was nothing. That leg was completely okay.”

I nodded: it would be cool if we had a healer-mage on our team. Okay, I already found out that I was more or less invulnerable… Eli was a Super-Soldier, which made him hard to hurt as well, and Nate had his super-tech armor that protected him a lot… but Billy was still human, and just in case, it could come in handy to have healing powers.

“So. Maybe you can heal people?” I suggested, and Billy sighed, closing his eyes.

“It’s not just that. There were other times… do you remember how you asked if I was bullied at school now? Well… when I got there, I was an easy target, of course. And… I kinda wished that I could just be invisible to all the bullies there, that nobody would provoke me into hurting them again… and… well, I’ve been at that school for more than a year and… it’s like the bully-types don’t see me. At all. Last month we had an assignment in literature and we had to work in pairs… and by accident I got assigned to this big football player, a regular sack of anger-management issues, a total douchebag, I’m sure you know the type. And what he did was complain to the teacher that he had to do the assignment by himself. I know what you’re thinking,” Billy added hastily, “everyone laughed at first, too, they thought he was just making fun of me or the teacher or both. But he claimed he didn’t have a partner for the assignment even after the teacher got mad and sent him to the principal’s office. It was… like I was invisible to him,” Billy finished with a sigh, then opened his eyes and looked at me, worried.

“Do you think I’m a freak?”

I shook my head resolutely, patting his knee:

“You’re not a freak, Billy. Maybe you just need to learn how to control those powers. And I think I might help.”

“You do?” he blinked, and I chuckled, standing up and walking to the living room, to the bookshelf where Mom kept all those crazy self-help books of hers. I returned with one, handing it to Billy, who gave it (and me) a disbelieving look.

“ _How to Make Your Wishes Come True_ ,” he read out loud, skepticism perfectly obvious in his voice. He let the book drop into his lap and raised an eyebrow at me: “And you think this is going to help?”

“It helped me,” I shrugged, and Billy chuckled:

“So your dream was to be recruited to a crazy fan-team by a 30th century time-traveller who will maybe turn into a supervillain when he grows up?” he teased, and I snickered:

“Not really. But it helped me with my powers, you know. Stabilize them. Help me concentrate.”

He glanced at the book again, and I thought he was going to politely inform me that I could stick my stupid books where sun didn’t shine because he had a problem which the writers of this crap certainly didn’t have in mind.

But after a long, awkward moment, he looked up at me and shrugged, offering a tiniest of smiles:

“Well, what can I lose? It’s worth a try.”

It took several hours of adjusting the advice in that book to our – Billy’s – situation, and at first, nothing much was happening. I suggested we start with something small, like making something levitate, and Billy was doing his best, trying to concentrate and staring holes into my poor pillow (I was half-wishing that I had offered a pillow that was not a limited-edition collector’s item, in case all the staring would make the poor thing go up in flames).

But in the end, nothing was burned. The pillow remained still on the bed, even though I thought it kind of stirred a few times. By the time it got dark, Billy was frustrated out of his mind and my pillow intact and motionless.

“This sucks,” he groaned and flopped down on the bed, burying his face in another pillow of mine. “No, let me rephrase that… _I_ suck.”

I wasn’t sure whether to chuckle or sigh, so I did both, and patted Billy’s thigh reassuringly:

“You don’t. We’ll just keep trying.”

Billy sighed and turned, staring into the ceiling for a moment before he sat up again, rubbing the soles of his hands into his eyes wearily. He looked like he needed sleep a lot more than ‘training.’

“Maybe we should call it a day,” I suggested, but Billy shook his head, taking a deep breath.

“No. I want to do this. I want to be sure.”

“Billy,” I said slowly, “you’re tired-“

“The bad guys won’t care, right?” he shrugged. “They’ll attack and they won’t ask if I had proper eight hours of sleep or if I had my breakfast already. I need to know if I can do this, tired or not.”

That was a surprisingly valid point… but that didn’t mean I felt like allowing Billy to exhaust himself by staring at my pillow.

“Well, at least I hope you did have breakfast, because it’s seven PM,” I joked, and he chuckled, nodding:

“Thanks, mom, I had lunch too.”

“Which means you need dinner now,” I grinned, then shrugged as I got an idea. “How about this… I go order pizza and since it’s Friday, you give your parents a call and ask if you can sleep over. We can eat, and then try this pillow-floating thing again, okay?”

He opened his mouth, but I raised a warning eyebrow at him:

“I’m not going to let you starve. And I’m definitely not gonna let _myself_ starve. So if you’re dead-set on staring at my pillow all night, we might as well do it on a full stomach.”

“Teddy-“

“I don’t want to hear anything about villains. I’m not a villain, so I actually care if you’re hungry. And it won’t help anything if you strain yourself while not completely in control of those powers,” I frowned, but the grimace kinda eased up when I saw Billy smile, something warm and kind of… glowing in his eyes. I liked that look on him. Even if the glow might have just been starvation from not eating since lunch, who knew.

“I just wanted to say ‘thanks’,” he shrugged, and I smiled.

“Thank me when you actually start levitating things on thought.”

Two large pizzas and a box of chocolates later, the pillow still wasn’t moving, and Billy was growing more and more frustrated by the minute. I was beginning to wonder if he really had these other powers or if he was maybe thinking too much into a few coincidences, and I could see it in his eyes that he was thinking the same.

“Why won’t you move,” he poked the pillow irritably and sighed, worrying the edge of my old Star Wars T-shirt I gave him as makeshift pajamas.

“I want you to move,” he added, frowning at the pillow, and I couldn’t hold back a snicker. For some reason, Billy talking to a pillow was too funny to not laugh out loud: or maybe it was just because it was one in the morning and I was so tired I could feel my eyes screaming for sleep.

“I want you to float, actually,” Billy continued and ignored my giggly fit. “I want you to float. I want you to float. I want you to floatIwantyoutofloatIwantyoutofloat-“

And then it happened. Billy’s eyes flared with bluish-white light and there was an eerie glow around him. I stopped chuckling immediately and my heart picked up pace. Billy looked like he was in some sort of a trance and then, he started levitating over the bed and I felt a pang of fear in my heart.

“You were supposed to make the pillow fly, not yourself,” I said quietly and touched his thigh – I was spooked as all hell, to be honest, because he was _levitating_ over my bed and for a moment there, I was worried that he wouldn’t be able to come back from this trance, that it would somehow hurt him and that it would all be my fault for allowing him to do this.

My touch must have broken the spell somehow, though, because Billy settled back on the mattress next to me and when he looked at me again, his eyes were losing that ghastly glow and returning back to their normal hazel color.

“Are you okay?” I asked quietly, my heart still pounding and my mind chanting ‘god, let him be okay, let this not be something bad for him.’

“Teddy,” he said quietly as he glanced at my hand, still firmly over his thigh. I swallowed and started pulling away, but he looked to the side and his eyes widened, and his hand came to rest over mine, squeezing tight.

“Teddy, it worked. It worked,” he whispered, and that was the first moment I could tear my eyes away from him and follow his line of sight.

My pillow was floating about three feet over my bed, hovering in mid-air as if it belonged there, and that same strange bluish light that had been around Billy was fading around the pillow itself.

“Wow,” was all I could say, torn between amazement over Billy’s powers that, in fact, were really there… and the warm squeeze of his hand over mine. It all felt like a dream, or a movie or something decidedly not real, and I couldn’t be so sure whether it was because of the floating pillow or the hand.

………………………………………………

“Billy called. He can’t make it to the training today.”

“What?” I looked at Eli, since my mind automatically jumped to all the worst possible reasons, remembering what Billy had told me about being bullied. Sure, he had his powers now, but he wouldn’t want to hurt anyone with lightning and his other powers were still kinda in the making, so to say, and he had to concentrate really really hard and it sometimes didn’t work- “Is he okay?”

Eli rolled his eyes at me and stuffed his phone into his jeans as I dodged Nathaniel’s attack.

“Stop worrying, your boyfriend’s okay. His grandma’s visiting.”

“We’re just friends,” I grumbled sulkily. Eli gave me this really weird look, like he knew something I didn’t: Eli had that look quite a lot, but it was usually connected to ‘I know much more about war and fighting and struggling than you ever will, because you might be mutants or witches or whatever, but my Grandpa was the REAL Captain America’.

This situation seemed impossible to somehow connect to World War II, so I frowned:

“What?”

“You DO realize that Billy’s gay, right?” he said slowly, carefully, and I felt like a retarded child at that moment.

“So?” I huffed defensively. I didn’t like where Eli was going with this. “Are you saying I shouldn’t be friends with him because of that?!”

“No, I’m saying that you should figure things out, because Billy doesn’t want to just be friends.”

That took me by surprise (and Nat’s kick did, too). I never gave it a thought… at least not from Billy’s side, to be honest. Because I _had_ thought a few times, briefly and a little unconsciously, about how natural (and nice) it felt to be near Billy. Or how he had weirdly long legs for a guy in those black tights he’d decided to wear as his superhero costume.

“What? Please, Eli. Him being gay doesn’t mean that he has to jump any random guy,” I huffed, because just thinking about Billy maybe interested in me like _that_ made something in my stomach curl, and it wasn’t disgust and I really wasn’t too keen on examining that feeling while trying to avoid being punched in the face with Nathaniel’s armored fist as a part of the training session.

“You’re not a random guy,” Eli pointed out, damn him for being clever whenever I didn’t need him to be, “all I’m saying is: you spend an awful lot of time together.”

“So?!” I bristled, “what’s so-“

“And he ogles your ass quite a lot.”

Okay. That was a point I wasn’t sure I wanted brought to light. Especially since I didn’t believe it. Wishful thinking not included.

“Billy wouldn’t-” I protested feebly, and Eli gave me the Eye. The you’re-a-total-moron Eye he did so well.

“He would, and he does when he thinks nobody’s looking.”

I felt my blood warm up at that, along with my face.

“Billy doesn’t want me,” I said, and it came out more sulky that matter-of-fact, I admit. Eli’s eyes widened, then rolled towards the sky.

“You gotta be fucking KIDDING me,” he groaned, and I scowled at him the best I could while dodging another punch.

“What?”

“Don’t tell me you’re gay for Billy.”

Was it possible to be even more embarrassed by where this conversation was going? Well, if I had to measure it by the way I could feel my ears burning, it was.

“I’m not,” I protested, but it sounded rather hollow. “I think,” I added in a mutter, and felt a lot like punching Eli in the face for that knowing smirk he was throwing me.

It wasn’t like I hadn’t considered the possibility before… and when I thought about it, all the guys I had stupidly intimate dreams about did resemble Billy a lot. Maybe I just had a thing for guys with brown eyes. Or something.

But even if I didn’t want to admit it to anyone else, the truth, hidden and shy in the furthest corner of my mind, was that I could trust Billy. I could laugh with him, and we did, a lot. He was… easy to be around, I could tell him things I never really told anyone, and ever since that day when I found out he was the kid whom I had given my Avengers book, I felt a sort of… special connection to Billy. Like… we were supposed to meet at some point in our lives, like we were pulled together by… okay, _fate_ sounds a little demented when you speak it out loud, or when you even think it out in the actual word in your mind. But… it _felt_ like that. Even if it was maybe just me really really wanting someone like that in my life, someone I could trust with anything.

I scowled at Eli defensively:

“And even if I was, then what? You have a problem with that?”

Eli shook his head, snorting:

“The only problem I have is with you two being so pathetic. Just get a room and make out already, we don’t need any unresolved tension on this team, we suck enough as it is.”

“We _don’t_ -”

I was cut off when Nathaniel’s fist greeted my jaw, and even with a virtually indestructible body, it still _hurt_.

For the sake of my sanity, I decided to not admit that it kind of proved Eli’s point. For the rest of the training, I did my best to not think about anything Eli might’ve suggested.

Needless to say, ‘my best’ did a piss-poor job of staying focused on the actual fight.

…………………………….

After two more days of ‘not thinking’ about it, I had to admit that maybe, just _maybe_ , Eli was right.

Well, at least about the part where he suggested I might be kind of gay for Billy. I still had no idea what Billy would think about that, much as I tried watching for any tell-tale signs. Or any signs, really.

All it resulted in was me staring at Billy more than usual; and after what Eli had said, I was actually aware of staring for once. It was painfully obvious that there had been a lot of staring on my part even before that unfortunate talk, because now that I knew I was watching, I realized that the way Billy moved, talked, laughed, frowned… it was all completely familiar to me. I didn’t even try lying to myself about how it was just a part of the whole ‘being a team of superheroes’ training.

Billy still came over for geometry and magic, and I did my best to act normal: a task that didn’t require as much willpower as it maybe should have, according to all those romantic movies I totally did _not_ watch, ever. There was no sweating (well, no more than expected from a teenage boy, really), no weird stomach-flips, no inappropriate boners whenever Billy was less than five feet from me. That was maybe the reason why I doubted my sanity and Eli’s observation skills for a few more days.

Then, Billy stayed over again, chanting at an old, well-worn book trying to make it look new, and I went to get us some juice, and when I came back, I found him fast asleep on my bed, head slightly turned to the side, hair mussed and spread over my pillow, hand resting over his belly. And there it was, my answer (and my insects in the stomach), lightly snoring and heart-wrenchingly obvious. I can’t say it was exactly a stroke of lightning, a blinding realization that would’ve left me gasping and _wanting_ … those things probably only happen in movies, after all (and okay, occasionally I was pressured into watching chick flicks with my Mom, guilty as charged).

It was more like… using your eyes all the time without really knowing they’re there… and suddenly there’s a mirror and you can see your own eyeballs, you’re aware of how they look and that they exist, but it’s not a shock to you, because they’ve always been there, you just never really saw them.

That was how it felt for me, leaning against the doorframe in my own room, listening to Billy’s breathing. That languid, content feeling that I could get used to this, that I was probably already _used_ to this, to Billy, and that I wanted to keep him close for a long, long time. That I didn’t want anyone else to see him like this,

Things like holding hands or even kissing didn’t really seem so far-fetched in my dimly lit room at two in the morning, and for a split second I considered just taking a few steps towards my bed and leaning over Billy and waking him up with a kiss.

But the thing was, my experience with kisses up to that point was all about drunk cheerleaders after a particularly successful match, and I wasn’t sure what to do when kissing someone not drunk, not female and… not unimportant to me.

Plus, it _was_ a little bit creepy and stalkerish. So I just threw a blanket over Billy’s legs and tried to get some sleep on the cramped couch in the living room. Instead, what I got done was a lot of insane planning about dates.

……………………………………

The first date was a disaster. It might have got something to do with the fact that I kind of… didn’t mention to Billy that it was a date. We had gone to get some pizza or snacks before, so naturally Billy didn’t think much of it: originally I planned to be all smooth and intellectual about this, gradually letting Billy know that I was interested. However, the conversation slipped into an argument over various races in Star Wars quickly enough, and there was basically no way to turn Jar-Jar into date-talk even for someone less romantically awkward than me.

The second date was… better. Well. Kind of. I asked Billy to go see Green Lantern with me, and he chuckled and said ‘okay, it’s a date’ – hence my confusion and improper light-headedness. Of course, it became kinda obvious after the first five minutes that he’d been only joking. And I still didn’t manage to sneak in even a tiny bit of romance into the whole evening. Billy, of course, made no move, which kind of made me spend half the movie in a seizure about how wrong Eli had been. My mind was carefully pointing out every reason in the world why Billy would _not_ be interested, and his obvious and vocal appreciation of Ryan Reynolds didn’t much help either.

For the third date, I actually managed to ask Billy out properly. Well, as properly as I could.

“Um… so. Would you… how about we go get some pizza tomorrow?”

Billy looked at me kind of funny over his geometry notes.

“You mean like we do all the time?” he chuckled, and okay, he had a point there. But I was unwilling to let it slide again; if I were to be a real hero some day, I had to conquer my fears, at least that was what all the comic books said. There was never any mention of it being okay for the hero to chicken-shit out of a date with someone he was interested in.

And during those two failures of a date, I got pretty sure that I wanted to try this with Billy, even if I had no idea what I was doing.

“No. Well, yeah, but… no.”

“Teddy, you’re not making any sense.”

“I mean, just you and me. Like. Uh. A date.”

In the few seconds Billy stared at me without a word, probably wondering if I was joking or not, I contemplated the possibility of spontaneously catching on fire from a really fierce blush. His expression betrayed nothing, and I felt my insides clench in fear. Overcoming that fear suddenly seemed a little less great… but _what’s the worst thing that could happen_ , I tried cheering myself up. Yeah. The worst that could happen was Billy saying ‘no thanks’ – it would probably mean that things would go awkward between the two of us, he might even stop coming over, he’d give me all those weird looks at the training with the other guys…

Basically it could screw up our friendship. Okay. Definitely bad.

Billy opened his mouth, and I knew it was kind of unhealthy that I felt myself hold my breath. Also, it probably meant that I liked him a little more than just ‘a bit.’

“I… don’t think that’s a good idea,” he said carefully, and my stomach did a weird little twist and then promptly tried to fall through the rest of my body. Not good.

“Uh,” I said, because he was still watching me, as if I might somehow explode or assault him or something. Which I didn’t plan on – actually, I had absolutely no plan for this; I had somehow stupidly assumed that he’d just say ‘yes’ like it was no big deal. And when he didn’t, I was caught off-guard by my own ignorance. Of course, Billy being gay did _not_ mean he automatically had to like any guy showing a bit of interest… even if it kind of stung to think about it like this. Eli’s words rang in my ears, _you’re not a random guy_ , and _he ogles your ass_. Why the hell did I listen to Eli?! Now, everything was screwed up, and I didn’t know what would fix it. Pretending I had been joking? No… that would be too shallow, too cruel, definitely not what a hero should do.

I decided that being a gentleman about the flat-out rejection would be the most heroic course of action, so I took a deep breath, glanced down at the table, unable to withstand Billy’s searching gaze any longer, and shrugged:

“It’s okay. I understand. Forget it, it was just… an idea. It’s okay, you don’t want to, I get it, let’s just… move on? It’s not like this has to be weird or anything-”

“Teddy,” he said softly, abruptly cutting off my babble of shame, because that was what it was, nothing gentlemanly or heroic about rambling, that was for sure. He set his book down and then reached over, placing his hand over mine, and I thought my heart might leap out of my chest, if only to run away and never be seen again within fifty feet of Billy Kaplan.

“Why not?” I shot out, rattled by the touch and apparently incapable of maintaining even basic human decency at being rejected. I was still staring at his hand – it convulsed over my fingers, squeezing for a second or two before Billy let go, and I could hear him sigh. Yeah. I probably shouldn’t have asked. But I needed to know. Maybe it was just something like _I don’t really like blonde guys_ , or _I want my boyfriend to be shorter than me_ , and I could fix that, I was a shapeshifter, I could definitely fix things like that. I knew Billy must’ve had a better reason, something not so shallow, and I was a little ashamed of myself for even thinking that he would reject me based on hair color or something stupid like that. But whatever it was, I wanted to know.

The other thing about my confused mind at that moment was that it had used the word ‘boyfriend’. Oh God. That was what I wanted to be to Billy. I had never really named _it_ , not even in my head, and suddenly having a word for all these confusing feelings wasn’t really much of a relief, since those feelings were being gently but obviously thrown back in my face.

He was quiet for an awfully long time, and eventually I couldn’t just stare at the table anymore, so I dared a glance up, and he looked so… crumpled and tired and twitchy that I felt bad for dumping this on him like that.

“Just… tell me I’m not your type and I’ll get over it and we can go back to being friends,” I suggested lamely, because even if I had been afraid of asking him out because he might say ‘no’, I was a lot more afraid that he would stop talking to me now.

To my absolute confusion, he chuckled. It didn’t sound very amused.

“Oh, you are, trust me,” he smirked a little, carefully not looking at me, and it was kinda funny how we were only able to glance at each other whenever the other wasn’t looking.

“Then… you don’t want to go out with me because…?” I asked quietly, trying to not pressure him into anything, but heck, I wanted to know. I _needed_ to know.

He took a deep breath, and that seemed like a bad sign, but then he was looking up and I didn’t have the time to avert my gaze, so there I was, staring right into his sincere, worried, chestnut-brown eyes and bracing myself for the inevitable punch in the face, if only a verbal one.

“I want to,” he said, and okay, that was a punch alright, because it was completely unexpected, especially when it was soon followed by a weak, half-broken, “but I don’t think _you_ want to, not really.”

I gaped for a while, trying to process this. Was Billy trying some sort of a ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ variation…? It didn’t make sense, at _all_. Why would I ask him out if I didn’t want to?

“Um… is this about me not being openly gay?” I asked slowly, because that was the only reason I could think about. Maybe Billy didn’t want to deal with my getting-to-know-myself crap, for which I couldn’t really blame him.

He blinked, raising an eyebrow:

“What do you mean, ‘openly’ – Teddy, have you ever liked a guy before?” he asked, his eyes serious and his voice weirdly loaded with meaning I couldn’t decipher. From the grimace he was making, it was obvious that he expected me to say ‘no’.

Which was why I nodded and watched his eyes widen a fraction.

“Really?”

“Yeah, really,” I shrugged, “not that I did anything about it. I don’t plan on making that same mistake twice,” I explained – even if I wasn’t really sure if not asking Greg out had been a mistake. He would’ve just punched me in the face, I was pretty sure of that.

Billy wasn’t saying anything, and I couldn’t tell if that was a good sign or not – he seemed to be fighting some sort of an internal battle with himself, and it was frankly painful to watch, so I covered his hand with my palm, squeezing lightly.

“Now, will you tell me what’s wrong?” I asked – and okay, maybe it wasn’t anything serious – but the way Billy winced just confirmed my suspicion that there was more going on.

It took a while of my staring and his hard-headed silence before he finally realized that I wasn’t going anywhere without a proper answer.

“I might’ve,” he muttered, swallowed, glanced at me and then lowered his eyes back to the table. I could see the blush spreading over his cheeks as he continued: “I think you might think you want to go out with me only because of my powers.”

That warranted a raised eyebrow, because, seriously?!

“You think I want to date you because you’re some sort of a wishing well?” I asked, unable to keep the sarcasm out of my voice as I pulled my hand back from his: was that what he thought about me?

He must’ve caught on, because he looked up, eyes big and startled and glassy, and he caught my hand mid-air:

“That’s not what I meant. I might’ve… there might be a spell,” he lowered his eyes again, his face turning crimson, and I gaped at him for what felt like a millionth time this day.

“You… cast a spell on me?” I asked hollowly. I didn’t want to believe it – what I felt for Billy (once I decided to stop trying to label it as mere friendship) was definitely real, I could feel the comfortable, easy companionship and the need to stay close to Billy as a part of myself, something that had been there since I met Billy, even when I didn’t recognize it at first.

To think it was just a spell was both unbelievable and suffocating.

“I didn’t really _try_ , but I might have,” Billy admitted, his voice wrecked as he looked at me with these horrible, apologetic eyes. “I didn’t say it out loud, but… I can’t control my powers; they react to what I want,” he finished quietly.

It took about five seconds for the meaning of that sentence to slam into me with enough power to take the air out of my lungs. I simply stared, and Billy’s _what I want_ roared in my ears on a constant loop.

 _What I want_.

Billy wanted to go out with me enough to think he might’ve cast a spell.

I was what Billy wanted.

I shifted in my seat at that thought, because, hey, I couldn’t control _my_ powers too great either, and by powers I mean body, really. The thought that Eli had been right, that Billy maybe really wanted me, was like a rush of dizzy joy straight into my head. It left me blinking and unable to see anything else but Billy as a silly grin spread all over my face.

Billy raised an eyebrow.

“I tell you I put you under some sort of a mind-control spell and you’re _smiling_ at me?” he asked, disbelieving.

I could only shrug – the grin did not feel like it would disappear anytime soon.

“So. That’s your only problem with me, right? That I might be under the influence of a spell?” I clarified, and he nodded slowly, but kept staring at me as if I was a little kid not understanding the severity of the situation.

Which, maybe, I was. But I knew it wasn’t a spell. The feelings I had for Billy had not jumped to my attention one day – I didn’t wake up and tell myself ‘okay, Billy’s nice, maybe I want to kiss him’. My falling in love with him had been a slow, gradual process; one that I suspected was by no means finished.

But I was willing to do what was needed to make him see that it didn’t take magic for someone to love him.

“Then try and cast a reverse spell. Or un-do the first one, or something,” I shrugged, and his eyes widened a little – but I could see it was bugging him, and that he really needed to do it. He sighed in the end, closing his eyes:

“I want Teddy to not like me-“

Before he could say it again, I took his hand again, squeezing to get his attention. He opened his eyes in confusion, and I shook my head:

“You got that wrong. It’s ‘I want Teddy’s mind to be clear of spells.’ I’m pretty sure I’ll still like you, spell or not,” I smiled, and I felt his hand tremble in mine, but in the end he nodded and repeated my words.

We sat like that for maybe five minutes: Billy’s voice was getting hoarser and quieter, and there was no blue glow of his magic anywhere. He kept repeating the words, though, clinging to them with some sort of a desperate wish, and then, I couldn’t watch him squeeze his eyes shut so hard anymore.

I spoke his name softly, and his eyes opened, a little reddened and unfocused. The light of the sunset coming from the window softened his face, and he was so beautiful in that moment that I couldn’t help but look, and wish that he would finally see my feelings for what they were, sincere and open and entirely his.

“It didn’t work,” he said, voice a little broken. I smiled at him, fingers brushing the back of his hand.

“There was no spell to take back,” I said again.

His eyes finally met mine, steady, unwavering, and I could see it all bloom in his look, the decision that would shape my life from that moment on. I did not know what his answer would be yet… not for certain. But I could see it in his eyes now, the fondness that I did not see there before, maybe because he was too busy hiding it, maybe because I just wasn’t looking properly.

“Now that that’s out of the way… will you go out with me?”

Billy smiled, and I had no idea that someone could smile like that, like the whole world had been aligned a little wrong and just because of that smile, everything fell into place right where it was always supposed to be.

“I have one more thing to confess first,” he said, and the mischievous spark in his eyes along with the color in his cheeks didn’t even give me a chance to worry, not really.

“You know, Teddy… I don’t even take Geometry classes at school.”


End file.
